Tuesday, June 26, 2007

"And it's funny how you'll find...

...you enjoy your life, when you're happy to be alive."

My advice to pretty much everyone ever? Don't be a living self-fulfilling prophecy. My advice more specific to a certain ladder-borrowing boy? Stop searching for ways to make your insecurities true. And don't tell me that maybe they just are true. Get over yourself. (And yes, I did tell him that.)

I can't be some one's friend if they're convinced I'm either going to desert them or that I'm only being their friend to prove that I won't desert them. I get frustrated that he doesn't even want to do something about the way he feels. And no, I'm not just saying that he doesn't because it seems to me that he's not doing anything to improve his situation, he actually told me he didn't want to. I care about him, but I refuse to put myself in another manipulative friendship. I held my tongue when he was trying to rile me up today, but I may not be able to next time. It's not that I'm concerned I'll hurt his feelings; I have no control over them. I don't like being snide to people because I don't like being treated that way myself.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet, but the good news? SO not having a hard time getting over my feelings for him. Being stuck on an ex and wanting to wallow for the rest of one's life is just not attractive to me. Sorry.

I may sound like a jerk, but I am not ready to be a doormat or book on a shelf again.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Lemur kisses are the best kind.

I love my job.

Today was a great day. We celebrated the zoo's birthday--"Happy Birthday, Zoo!" The theme was "Big and Tall, Short and Small Birthday." We celebrated four zoo animal birthdays. (It wasn't really anyone's birthday, we just celebrated them all together.) "Gladys" the Galapagos Tortoise, was our "big," "Caz" the Cassowary was our "tall," "Elena" the Sun Bear was our "short," and "Princess" our Green-winged Macaw was our "small." We gave them all "birthday cakes" as a gift, and let the kids make birthday cards to hang in front of the enclosures. All but the bears (Elena shared with her mom and sister) got a watermelon bowl/basket filled with fruit. The bears got boxes with fruit so they could play with the cardboard after they ate.

Gladys and Caz were my favorites today. They so obviously enjoyed their "cakes" that it was just a pleasure to watch them. The word that came to my mind while watching Gladys devour her basket was "gusto." By the time she was done, her watermelon was just a patch of bare earth in her enclosure. She had even eaten the grass underneath! We had given her a whole watermelon with a handle cut in to it, and part of it hollowed out so we could put more fruit in it. It took her just shy of an hour to eat the entire thing. Caz only got half of a hollowed out watermelon. We put his favorites (grapes and tomatoes) in with some other fruits. He just looked so pleasantly surprised to be getting a treat! It was cute. The poor guy is sort of off in a corner, and he can be a little scary looking, so he's not in the spot light often. We held his bowl up to the wire and he daintily picked out grape after grape, tossing them up and swallowing them whole. When we dropped it all over the side, he actually sat/lay down to eat. Very soon he started eating the "bowl" itself. He seemed to like it so much that we went and stole the rest of the watermelon from the parrots (they weren't very interested in it).

Since I'm a bonafide education staff member this summer, I've been doing the stage programs. Instead of holding the animals while the educator talks about them, I'm the one with the mic. Until today, I was super nervous before doing a show. Actually, I was super nervous until near the end of each show... Anyway, it was weird because I usually don't mind speaking in front of people. But did you notice? ^Up there?^ I said, "until today." Today was the most awesome show I've ever ever given, and I wasn't even nervous! Well, the exhaustion may have had something to do with the not nervous part, but that's beside the point. =p Anyway, I am super excited about the show I did this afternoon. I did the introduction and the conclusion we are supposed to do for the first time. My facts flowed really well and I was able to connect almost all of them to our habitat theme. I was even animated despite how tired I was ten seconds before I went on stage. There are still things I need to work on, but I don't think I'll be nervous anymore. =D

Lastly, I got to go in with the lemurs again today. I held one of the babies while some adults scent marked my shoes and ankles. One sweet girl named Zoe sat on my shoulder and licked my arm and cheek. Let me tell you, lemur kisses are the best kind. They're sort of puppy kisses meet butterfly kisses. And lemur hands! SO SOFT. I love lemurs. They're my favorite.

Ok, [/super long entry].

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Mirror, mirror...

Who's the most desirable one of all?

I'm getting a little...done with this back and forth. I decided he didn't get me to feel good about and her to be in love with. This time, I slowed us down.

I really like this guy, but I'm not about to let another person use me as they wish. I'm not some...book, or toy-shiny-new-thing... I know he genuinely cares about me, so he's not "using" me on purpose, but if he does not know for sure that he wants to be over this girl, then I'm not comfortable with him and his "sweet nothings."

*sigh*

I'm sure the next time I talk with him, he'll be his wonderful self and my resolve with falter... But really! He needs to choose so I can move on or move forward!

Friday, June 8, 2007

That one Boy...

Perhaps I blogged too soon before...

My dearest [Kismet],

I need to let you know that you mean too much to me for me to let fear get in the way of our relationship. I'm excited to get to know you better, and continue to pursue something with you. You're completely fantastic. I'm so sorry I was such a bum last night.

I miss you, and wish I was there to tenderly kiss your puffy operated-upon cheeks. I wish I could be there with you, feeding you pudding. =] Please forgive me for my display of cowardice last night. I trust you with my heart, and know you'll be careful with it. I'll talk to you soon.

~[LadderBoy]


I really like this kid.

Today, I had my wisdom teeth out. Shortly after I got home, I got a phone call from some delivery service saying that there are flowers for me in the office. He sent me flowers. How stinkin' cute is that?! He is so thoughtful all the time. This is all so new and wonderful...

Me: this is a good experience for me
Lexi: i agree
it makes me very happy
and i'm just
very excited for you
and will you hate me if i say i'm excited for you about
the whole thing?
meaning the ups, and also the downs
it's going to be a
crazy roller coaster, but i'm excited you get to have a ride
i'm even excited
for you to feel miserable about the whole thing
:^/
i'm just excited about
it all
o frabjous day, calloo callay
et cetera
you will learn a lot and i'm excited about it :o)


I will learn a lot from this. And I'm going to enjoy at least most of the process. I'm excited to get to know him, and to grow closer to him. I've never felt this way about anyone, and I think I like it.

=]

Thursday, June 7, 2007

About a boy...

I have an entry about this exciting new thing in my life saved as a draft. I think it's going to have to be a draft for awhile longer...

I guess it was over before it began. There are good reasons behind it. Great reasons. Ones that I agree with. But those reasons do not protect my heart. I suppose I'm glad we were so honest and realistic the whole time. I could feel a whole lot worse.

It still aches a bit...

Here it is. My first heart-break. Though I'm not all that broken. At least for now. I'll count my blessings.

A wonderful friendship will be born from this. I hope.

Friday, June 1, 2007

It smells of honeysuckle here.

I'm back home now. Good 'ole MD.

"Say hello to my favorite state for me."

I fell asleep before my plane even took off. I woke up as we were picking up speed, only to fall asleep again once we were airborne. Dad picked me up from the airport and we drove home with the windows down. I could smell the honeysuckle the whole way.

I hadn't realized that I missed the color green. And trees. I mean, there were trees there, but East Coast Trees are different. It's good to be home.

I had a meeting with Queen today about my job at the zoo. I'm super excited. I'll have to write more about that later.

While I was gone, I missed FridgeBoy the most...even though he called me everyday. It was good to spend the afternoon with him, driving in his car. [I just wrote "cat" instead of "car." I find that amusing--"driving in his cat."] It was good to drive in my own car, for that matter. I'm not used to going two weeks with out driving. It felt great, even after being in that accident the other night.

Also, I finally get to be with my dog.

I'll miss my peeps in Utah, but it is nice to be home.