Sometimes, I'm pretty smart...

So, in case you, reader, have not figured it out yet, I sometimes have small self-esteem issues...but sometimes, I know myself better than I think I do. Years ago, I wrote three notes to myself. I don't know when, and I don't know what made me write them, but every so often I come across them. Usually at just the right time. I read them and then put them somewhere safe and forget about them until the next time I find them. I wanted to put them here so that maybe I'll run across them more often as I read through old entries.

Dear self -

You have talent. You don't have to have that "one special talent." Maybe you do have it. Maybe it's not an ordinary talent. It could be love for example.

People are not better than you. They just have different talents. Not everybody has to like you. The people who matter already do. In fact, the people who matter love you.

<3 Me

Dear self -

People love you. There will always be tomorrow. Things may change, but if it/they matter, they'll always be around. I love you. I don't always show it, but...I should. I don't tell you enough. Sometimes I think I don't save enough love for you. You love everyone sooo much...but that's good. Keep caring.

<3 Me

Dear self -

Keep your faith. People have noticed it, and I'm proud of you for it. Jesus loves you. NEVER FORGET THAT. God loves you, Jesus died for you. You are wonderful. Keep striving. I know it's hard but...Heaven awaits you. Bring souls with you.

<3 Me

Under the same moon...

I can see the moon through my window right now...hazy through the clouds. It's a half-moon tonight. I have always been drawn to the moon. (Though not quite like the tides. Badump, ching! Or something...) I love looking at it. Searching the craters for faces...

Back when Lost and I used to be close, I would call her from school, and I would walk out to the little pond here and sit in the tiny gazebo. We would be on the phone, missing each other, and I would tell her not to worry because we were still under the same moon. We could both look up at that moment and see the same thing.

I'm pretty sure it meant more to me than it did to her...

The moon still means a lot to me. Hopefully I can someday tie it with something else. Someday, it won't remind me of her as much. I say "as much" because Lost was an important part of my life, and I never want to forget that part, but I don't want constant reminders that lead to the more painful memories connected with our friendship. Someday I'll be able to look back on it all and smile every time.

Bittersweet memories.

Greater Than or Equal To Content

How are you?
I'm trying to stay content. Or >content.

I'm back at school. With the routine of work and school (and a bit of play, too) came the broken routine of taking my meds. I guess school and my friends and my jobs and being away from home and that routine and those friends and my family and that job is just enough to put me juuuust over the fine line that exists between being good and being depressed. It's all just enough stress to make it just hard enough to deal with my depression that I need the chemical assistance.

So far I'm doing pretty well. Though I often forget to take my pill, I have new things that keep me going. I have three little plants that I take care of every day. I named them. Martin, Spudley, and Angel. When I figure out how to put pictures on here, I'll add some of my lovelies. I also got a little fishy. Her name is Pixie. She's a tiny female betta and I love her. I've only had her a few days, but I could sit and watch her forever. She likes to have her picture taken. =)

I love my jobs. I work at Starbucks again, and this year I get to serve my internships at the Philly Zoo. I'm only on the first one of two, but I want it to last forever. I love it there. I really want to work at this zoo I think. To start off my "real" career. And it can happen. My foot is in the door.

This year started off a little strange because I don't have my "one friend" that I'm sort of attached to. I didn't quite have one for most of the summer either, but I feel lonely more often at school. I do have Chilly and this one boy from high school I've started talking to again--we'll call him SuperHero--as well as Lexi when she's available, as well as other friends who are online often and my girls here at school, so I'm doing okay.

As a sort of side note here I would like to add that I'm curious to see how things progress with SuperHero.

Things will be alright. I'm > content.

My ABC's

I borrowed this idea from Ahem., who borrowed it from someone else.

The ABC's of my summer:

A is for ____, my sister, who I have grown even closer to.

B is for blue Gatorade. I'm addicted.

C is for cookie. And that's good enough for me.

D is for dogs. I have four.

E is for epiphany. I think I had a few.

F is for fun. What's summer without that?!

G is for guitar. I learned how to play!

H is for Harry Potter. I can't believe it's over!

I is for iguana. "Question," the Green Iguana gave me my scars for this summer.

J is for joy. 'Nuff said.

K is for my new friend, ______. I love her a lot. May our friendship be long.

L is for love. It's my favorite thing to feel.

M is for moving. I am still in the process of moving into my dad's.

N is for Nemo, the bird I am now in love with at the zoo.

O is for optometrist, and issues with my contacts. I think I've seen that guy more than some of my friends...

P is for package. It took me about a month to put one together.

Q is for quick. That's how this summer has felt.

R is for rats. I watched a couple for the zoo.

S is for songs. Every summer, I find tons of new music and this summer was no exception.

T is for Toby, my mom's dog. He and I got pretty close this summer.

U is for Utah, and my awesome trip there. Best vaca ever.

V is for Vendetta. (Had to do it...)

W is for "Wow, this is hard." ("This" being this blog entry.)

X is for xylophone. I may have thought about one at some point this summer.

Y is for yawn because I've gotten increasingly tired as the summer has gone on.

Z is for zoo. DUH!

Daddy's Girl

So Gpa finally passed yesterday. I'm pretty much fine. It was his time to go. I had been to see him a few days before and he was just...not there. He had gotten worse and had to go to a hospice home. By the time I'd gotten there to see him, they'd had to sedate him to avoid sticky situations resulting from his being delusional. Anyway, he's in a better place now.

I've really been fine up until this morning. On my way to work, I began to think about how my uncles didn't have any kind of relationship with their father and how I would be SO SAD if something happened to my dad. I love my dad. I suddenly wanted to hug him, and it made me cry a little.

So yeah, I'm basically fine. I'll be feeling a bit strange for awhile because someone in my family just died, but it will be ok.