"Dear God...You want me to go WHERE?!"

A lot has happened since my last post:

I'm no longer a nanny.
I work two and a half days a week at Hot Springs with mom.
I got a Keeper Aide Position at the Small Mammal House on Monday mornings and I love it.
And oh yeah, I'm going to South Korea.

On Valentine's Day, Kara and I were on our way home from meeting Joanna at Cheesecake Factory. We were both talking about how we didn't really have plans after camp this summer, and Kara mentioned that for a long time she's been thinking about going to South Korea to teach English. During the course of our conversation, she decided that's what she was definitely going to do and I started to feel that God was trying to tell me something. I wasn't sure what at the time, just that He wanted me to do something that was going to be way off the track I thought I was on. I later figured out He meant going to South Korea too. It scared the crap out of me. To say the least.

Through lots and lots of prayer and agonizing over the situation, I decided/figured out/whatever that going to South Korea really was what God wanted me to do. That was on March 21st. Since then my head has been spinning over recruiters, paper work, a TESOL course, packing lists, the feeling of time running out and personal insecurities...

I know that this experience is going to be all about being stretched for me... God has big plans for the year I'll be away. Starting in September, I'll be several time zones away from all but one of my [current] friends on the opposite side of the Earth, living on my own [for real] for the first time, in a country where I won't be able to read street signs or the names of products in the stores, where there is strange food and very few people who speak English, doing a job I've never seriously considered before. Just thinking about it all is a very stretching experience. But I know that it is going to be okay. Because God is sending me there.

Long time no blog!

Okay, it's post-graduation, and post-camp and seeing as I have more free time than the average bear I figure what better time to start blogging again?

For now a short, incomplete update:

I am a nanny on weekdays in the afternoon and two to three days a week I help out at mom's office. The money I'm making is helping me to finally build up some savings which is way good because I start paying off my school loans soon.
Every Friday morning I volunteer as a Keeper Aide in the Elephant House at the Nat'l Zoo. I love it and even though I have to get up at o'dark thirty in the morning, I look forward to going every week. I'm thinking of adding another day--possibly at the Small Mammal House if I can get it.

"My denial is wearing off."

It's been hitting me little by little. Which, now that I think about it, is probably a lot better than it hitting me all at once. Anyway, I'm graduating and I'm kind of losing my cool.

I was talking with my roommate about graduation and I realized that I'll be driving back from graduation, away from Del Val, by myself. Not really looking forward to that trip. Hillary suggested I ask one of my parents to ride in the car with me since they'll be at the ceremony. I told her that would be worse.

Friends and I went to the movies the other night and on the way home I realized that I only had two more Fridays left. For some reason, that was the first thing to make my eyes tear up about all this. It's the only thing so far, but we'll see how long I can hold out.

I was talking with friends the other day about...something, I don't remember what, and something was said that caused me to talk about how I was glad one of my friendships ended because it was keeping me too strongly tied to MD and I wasn't "fully embracing" my life at Del Val. I'm so glad I finally did, even if it does mean that I'm leaving home. I hadn't put it into words before then. I'm graduating and moving back to Maryland full time, back to where I came from, but I'm leaving Home.

I'm not scared to graduate anymore. I know that God has a plan for me, and that it's better than any plan I could come up with. It's all in His hands, and it's going to work out. So I'm not scared about it anymore. I'm just sad. Deeply sad.

"Be an Example"

An excerpt from the Bible Study I just wrote out for tonight:

As I’ve been thinking about this ["this"= being an example] and related topics, I have been reminded once again that I’m not perfect. I am a sinner and I slip up over and over again. I’m not perfect, only He is perfect. I’m not perfect, but I don’t want my imperfection to get in the way of someone else’s journey toward perfection. I’m not perfect, but I want to act as perfect as I possibly can so that I can only be a support to others on their journey. I’ve said before that I wanted to be a person that "non-believers" could look to and watch to know what was right and wrong [if they were in a situation that caused them to question whether or not the action they were considering taking was a good thing to do. I want to try to be on my best behavior all the time and be the sort of person they know would choose the right action]. Recently I’ve come to the conclusion that not only should I try hard “publicly” in that way, but that I need to also be on my best behavior when I’m with my fellow Christians, especially those I’m most comfortable with. It’s so easy to slip into gossip for example. Anyway, this is just food for thought.

Oh, the craziness.

Sometimes, I love my school.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXOhVhMff7k