I had a conversation about someone this evening, and as I was driving home I just felt so....elated. This person is no longer in my life, and I don't think I could be happier about it--which is odd in a way. (In case you hadn't guessed, I'm talking about Lost.) I'm so much better off now, but a few months ago I was doing everything in my power to prevent this from happening. Now that it has, life is good. So good. In part because of the absence of Lost, but also in part because of...well, me. Mama Kahn told me earlier that I take any little bit (help, support, love, etc.) given to me, and run with it. I hadn't thought of it that way before. It is one thing that separates me from her. I tend not to self-destruct, and she has quite a talent for it. It's unfortunate, really. Though I still have bitter feelings toward her and toward the situation, I really and truly wish her the best out of life. I just can't see her getting it, and that saddens me.
I love the direction my life is headed in, and even more than that, I love that I can actually feel the momentum. It's an....exciting? Enthralling? Thrilling? I can't find the right word! None are good enough. It's a/an ______ sensation. Anyway, it feels pretty great. I'm going to graduate in three semesters, I'm going to go to grad school, I'm going to have a career that I'll love, someone and I are going to find each other, we're going to get married and have beautiful children. And everything between now and then...well, if I manage to keep things in perspective, it can be that simple. Everything in between can just roll on by. Not to say that other things won't matter, such as friendships and family and related events, but I don't think any of that will turn out to be a major milestone. I know stress will get the better of me at least a few times, and I'm sure the Lord has a few trials planned for me along the way, and then there's the whole, "We plan, He laughs" thing, but for right now, it really feels this simple.
Perspective. I can't forget. Reminders along the way are welcome. Alla, you're especially good at that, and I thank you for all the times you've given me much needed perspective. For now, I'm high on life and I'm going to enjoy it.
3 comments:
Kismet i've been wondering how you were doing! I'm so glad everythings going good!
yea! it is cool to have you post again! I have really missed reading your blog.
it does feel good to have momentum...and i love your perspective on life right now. mine is following much the same way as yours, and it does make things feel good!
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