"My denial is wearing off."

It's been hitting me little by little. Which, now that I think about it, is probably a lot better than it hitting me all at once. Anyway, I'm graduating and I'm kind of losing my cool.

I was talking with my roommate about graduation and I realized that I'll be driving back from graduation, away from Del Val, by myself. Not really looking forward to that trip. Hillary suggested I ask one of my parents to ride in the car with me since they'll be at the ceremony. I told her that would be worse.

Friends and I went to the movies the other night and on the way home I realized that I only had two more Fridays left. For some reason, that was the first thing to make my eyes tear up about all this. It's the only thing so far, but we'll see how long I can hold out.

I was talking with friends the other day about...something, I don't remember what, and something was said that caused me to talk about how I was glad one of my friendships ended because it was keeping me too strongly tied to MD and I wasn't "fully embracing" my life at Del Val. I'm so glad I finally did, even if it does mean that I'm leaving home. I hadn't put it into words before then. I'm graduating and moving back to Maryland full time, back to where I came from, but I'm leaving Home.

I'm not scared to graduate anymore. I know that God has a plan for me, and that it's better than any plan I could come up with. It's all in His hands, and it's going to work out. So I'm not scared about it anymore. I'm just sad. Deeply sad.