Blessings to be counted.

G-pa is getting worse. He is so confused all the time now.

I finally let myself cry about it the other night. Lexi and Amiira were chatting and something made me think of G-pa. I got a bit sad and I was super tired, so I lay down closer to Lexi and listened in an attempt to keep my mind away from personal thoughts. Well, as I should have learned in the past, it is impossible for me to do that for long.

I think it was when Lexi mentioned her grandfather, but eventually, I sat up and a single tear ran down my cheek. They asked is I were ok, and when I started to explain, my words came out broken and full of the emotions I'd been trying to ignore since I first heard about G-pa's cancer. Lexi beckoned me closer and Amiira moved over to our couch. A few more tears and shudders came out of me while Lexi held me and Amiira offered advice. After awhile, things sort of ran their course and we all moved on to other things.

Later that night, after the light was out and Lexi and I had started settling in for the night, the thoughts of G-pa came back, and with them, the shuttering breaths that usually come before my tears. Of course, Lexi heard me, and she sat up with me for most of the night as I cried and shook. She really is good to me.