Ramblings about School and Home.

Coming back to school after being home for break was like returning from a visit. And by that I mean...home feels temporary. But that fact is no longer a source of melancholy for me... It was a pleasant visit, and I look forward to going back. It just didn't quite feel like my definition of what a "home" should feel like? It's "just until I graduate," or "just until I get my own place." And I'm looking forward to both those happenings. I think...

Along with the sense of going back to where I belonged (which is odd because I was headed for school) was a feeling of...bracing myself. For...impact. With something not quite solid. Mammalogy is a big source of stress for me, and I was happy to leave it behind for Spring Break. Now I'm here again and it's "back to business."

Interesting.

Yukkuri hanashi te kudasai!

(Please speak slowly!)

We have a foregin exchange student! And by "we," I mean the Khan's. But I was there when he got to the house. His name is Daiki, and he is a 17 year old from Japan.

FridgeBoy, The Chaser and I took him out to Cici's and to a movie. (We saw "Vantage Point." It was good. Mostly.) When Daiki got here, we were instructed to speak slowly to make it easier for him to understand. He knows some English, but it takes some thinking to remember some of the words he needs to use, or what our words mean. Well, as a few readers may know, speaking slowly is not one of FridgeBoy's talents. For most of the night, every time FB would say something to Daiki, Daiki would look at me! He could understand The Chaser and I better, so he sort of used me as a translator. FB to English so he could translate the English to Japanese in his head. Poor boy.  He's a good sport though. We had him laughing a bit. =D

I wish him luck.

It's all about Perspective...

How hard life seems from this angle. When I'm here, practically in the thick of it. The stress I left has a foreseeable end. The stress I've come back to... I can neither understand it, nor find the light at the end of the tunnel.

There are bright moments--moments that I cling to--but the knowledge looms like the most cliche black cloud. It's like driving in and out of a rain storm...one that is headed in the same direction I am...

I keep praying for perspective. A reminder that in the grand scheme of things, this is nowhere near as big as it seems. And yet it's bigger than the stress at school; more serious. But maybe only slightly...? I don't know. I've not mastered keeping the other stress in perspective, so I'm not sure how well this is going to go.

Perspective. It's all about perspective...

Everyone has their ups and downs...right?

Is it the weather? Is it the stress of school? Was I just on a high for too long, and now I'm paying for that pleasure?

Stop the ride! I wanna get off!

Ok, maybe not... I'd forgotten what this feels like. It's not terrible...just...I prefer the happiness and excitement I felt on a daily basis. Duh, right? The past few days I've just felt...unsteady. Not high, almost low, but...never really stable. Some sort of roller coaster with very short slopes.

I think there is some sort of battle going on inside of me. Depression vs....what? God? Well, yes. But more specifically? I guess if I could figure that out I could help it win.

I want the sun to come back out. I want to stop feeling...paranoid about my new friends. That always seems to happen eventually... *sigh* I'll just spend less time with them. Just because I'm so happy in their presence doesn't mean they're always as psyched about it as I am. Oh, well.

Garbled.