How open should my heart really be?

"Hands open and my eyes open.

I just keep hoping that your heart opens.

It's not as easy as willing it all to be right,

Gotta be more than hoping it's right."

~Snow Patrol, "Hands Open"

[Lost], this is dumb.
"What's dumb?"
This thing with us.
"You're being very nondescriptive. Could you please elaborate?"
I feel like we're just pretending...it feels fake.*
"I didn't know what else to do. I did sincerely apologize, but you still seemed so upset with me, so I decided I should just leave you alone for awhile...I figured when you were ready to talk about it or move on or whatever, you would let me know. Until then, I just needed to be patient."*
I appreciate your apology, but apologies don't make everything [better right away]. They're just the first step. I forgive you, but I can't act completely naturally because I'm still uncomfortable. Know that just because I am uncomfortable, it doesn't mean I want you to stop working with me on the problem...I have done everything I can for our friendship. All I can do now is reciprocate any effort made by you. I'm torn because this is too important to me to just wait and hope you'll do something, but if I "do something", I feel that it won't be very effective because I can't always be the one to "do something." Friendships are an equal partnership. I can't have a shallow friendship who's sole purpose is to "just have fun." It's not bad or wrong, it's just not me. Especially if I am close with a person first. This whole time I've not known how you feel about any of this. You've pretty much kept me out of communication for awhile now. You were not treating me fairly. I made the decision to take care of myself--to be fair to myself. Never have I wanted our friendship to be over...I don't know what else I can say.*


I finally did it. We had been e-mailing stupid little things like forwards back and forth and I just got sick of it. We'll have to see what comes of it. I'm not holding my breath--I won't do that to myself.

*Content left out or modified for brevity's sake. Content in quotes only shortened, original text intact.