I'm beginning to wonder if I need to start taking medication again. Except...I guess I really don't think I do. I'm still feeling "crooked" with my happiness jockeying with other, less happy feelings.
I hate the feeling that there's something over my shoulder, or just around the bend...the feeling of walking around under some dark cloud so that I can't experience my happy moments to the fullest. Or something. Heh, I'm getting kind of confused, actually.
Last night was really good. My roommate turned 21 and we took her out to dinner. I've not been hanging out with that group of friends lately because sometimes they tease me a bit too much (well, not really, but it's too hard to explain). I love them dearly, and it felt really good to have that wonderful night with them.
I was a bit shocked this morning to wake up to engagement pictures on facebook. I mean, I knew Allie and Carl were getting engaged. They've basically been engaged since summer. But it was a bit of...a blow. Of some kind. Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy for them. I'm more excited for Allie than I think I'm capeable of expressing. I'm still a smidge weirded out by the fact that I've never met Carl and I'm nervous about what the future will hold as far as my friendship with Allie. They say time will tell, so I'm going to be patient. In the mean time I'm going to be really really happy for my dearest friend.
<3
I'll see about lifting this cloud that's been haunting me too...
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